WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BRIDGE OUR DIFFERNECES
Our core values and beliefs are often a mystery to us. We are not encouraged by many to actually take a close look at such things much less understand what they are and how they affect every interaction we have. Even when you've taken time to understand yourself better you may from time to time have to clarify or review what your values and beliefs are (they can evolve/change through knowledge and experience - growth). Through your actions as well as words what you actually value is what you generally communicate, but if your actions/words are not in sync with your core beliefs, then it is probably time to step back and evaluate.
Yes, we are responsible for what we communicate to others. A question we can ask is, "Am I acting on this because of my beliefs or someone/something else?" Then we may find that in some cases our actions or words aren't appropriate for or conflict with what is part of our core beliefs and therefore may cause confusion for others. Maybe we are responding through values and beliefs that are not wholly ours. Or possibly our once held values have changed for one reason or another. Whatever the case, it may be time for some self-reflection.
Approaching with an intent to be open and honest, and with an initial expectation that others are doing the same is very helpful in initiating first contact; this provides grounds to grow a mutual trust/respect or perhaps expose dishonest intent on the part of the other. Either way you can allow yourself to put forth your best image so that understanding can grow. Know that not everyone wants to be open and honest with you much less "friends" or "friendly". Another may very much want to be open and honest with you, but could care less about you, who you are and what you believe or value. There is a time to decide if continuing forward in any relationship is the most beneficial for both or a group, but most especially for you, as you are the only one who can decide for you. Again, it comes back to what you value because in the end a relationship cannot flourish without understanding and a level of acceptance of each other's values. How badly do you want/need the relationship is the question you need to ask yourself.
Let's start with the matter of first contact. Be yourself is obvious, but that doesn't mean spill your guts. Again, first have some idea of who you are, so that if something counter to your core beliefs and values arises quickly you are better prepared for responding in an appropriate manner, or at least one that allows for keeping the doors open until you've determined whether or not you're sticking around. In other words, be aware of your "triggers". We may have heard that one great line for keeping doors open is, "I hear you", with perhaps the addition of "but I do not agree with you. However, I will take time to think about what you've said, maybe we can revisit it another time." As things are presently, I've found the line, "I hear you," has become a sort of brush off rather than honest response, so be clear. Of course it's the manner in which you say it also. However, you must be willing to do what you say and at some point, be responsible for revisiting the disagreement open and honestly with the other/s. At the very least you may be able to better understand where they are coming from or have further questions to clarify and understand. Sometimes there will be no resolving the differences or point of view and here is where you can agree to disagree on that point, hopefully understand, and move beyond it or if need be, walk away when that's not agreeable to you and/or the other.
Next, let's say there is at least the beginning of mutual understanding; perhaps some level of respect in the first meeting, here is where you may want to do a quick check on your values and beliefs and think about what risks you are willing to accept before proceeding. If you feel there could be small conflicts in going further be honest with the other person about your concerns, but you might want to just step back if those concerns are about some bigger conflicts. Again, be honest with the other person if you can and respect that they have their own set of values and beliefs. That is OK. We don't have to be friends with everyone and everyone doesn't have to be your friend. What we can do is respect that fact and try our very best to have a mutual understanding of each others point of view. Not an acceptance of but an understanding that for now at least this is who we are.
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